In coaching enabling conversation skills, I find Karpman’s Drama Triangle (1968) very useful.
(1) Blaming, shaming and guilt tripping, (2) victim mentality and (3) “chief problem solving officer” are three recurring patterns of impediments to enabling conversations.
The Drama Triangle very nicely puts this in perspective with “actors” named as each the (i) Persecutor, (ii) Victim and (iii) Rescuer. The beauty of this model is that it accurately portrays how quickly people can move around all three roles.
The teaching is very simple and universal too.
(i) From Persecutor to Challenger
You won’t get a listening ear when using confronting language. Nonetheless, there are times we need to deliver a challenging message. Nonviolent Communication and Radical Candor are good frameworks to learning how to have these crucial conversations without invoking people’s defensive routines.
(ii) From Victim to Survivor/Thriver
Victim’s seek external solutions – it’s a form of entitlement. The world’s an unfair place, therefore I deserve better treatment. This is one display of a Fixed Mindset. Growth mindset people accept the struggle, and find to problem solve themselves.
(iii) From Rescuer to Coach
Stop solving people’s problems, coach them problem solving instead.
Here’s a more detailed version, courtesy of Patricia Morgan:
Join the Mental Model Dōjō Learning Community
Upcoming Community Forums
Community Sign-Up
Join our Mental Model Dōjō learning community and receive Knowledge Base and YouTube channel updates and invitations to community events.
Joining the the Mental Model Dōjō learning community is free. Agile Organization Development, managed by Lifecycle Pte. Ltd., is committed to protecting and respecting your privacy, and we’ll only use your personal information to administer your account and to provide the products and services you requested from us. From time to time, we would like to contact you about our products and services, as well as other content that may be of interest to you. You may unsubscribe from these communications at any time. For more information on how to unsubscribe, our privacy practices, and how we are committed to protecting and respecting your privacy, please review our Privacy Policy. By clicking submit, you consent to allow Lifecycle Pte. Ltd. to store and process the personal information submitted.
